This camouflage I wear,
this glossy, chirpy happiness,
this pseudo-confidence in God's intention
to neatly resolve in 30 minutes or less
(like any good sit-com)
every "challenge" life lobs at me--
like I said,
this camouflage is,
unknown to me,
thin like sheer drapes,
only filtering (not blocking)
my widened eyes, shortened breath, trembling hands.
You see the signs,
read the tea leaves of my insecurity,
observe the first bricks
crumbling at my foundation.
I pretend it isn't what it is.
You wonder if I'm committing
(via intentional blindness)
a sort of spiritual suicide,
a metaphysical, faith-ending bullet,
straight to my soul.
Text and image © 2014 by Dirk deVries. All rights reserved.