The 60-Second Sabbath

On Becoming an Anti-Racist: Part Eight

Announcing a change of title,
    from "On Being a Racist"
    to "On Becoming an Anti-Racist"--
new title,
    but same series,
because, as it turns out,
    one can change.

And so I offer:

The Prayer of the Anti-Racist

Lord,
    grant me the courage
        to unflinchingly examine
            my own beliefs about race and culture;

    grant me the willingness
        to non-defensively listen
            to the voices (experiences) of people of color;

    grant me the willingness
        to meaningfully connect
            with people of color;

    grant me the willingness
        to critically revisit America's history
            as told primarily through white eyes,
                to the exclusion of other Americans;

    grant me the willingness
        to humbly confess
            my lifelong involvement with racism,
                even when it was unconscious;

    grant me the ability
        to grieve the lost image
            of who I thought I was;

    grant me the ability
        to forgive myself
            (because breast-beating and guilt-nursing
                only get in the way);

    grant me the discernment, the love and the power
        to work for social justice and racial equality
            from this moment forward.

Amen.

Text and image © 2020 by Dirk deVries. All rights reserved.
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On Being Racist: Part Seven

From James Baldwin:

    Not every thing that can be faced
        can be changed,
    but nothing can be changed
        that is not faced.

Such wisdom.

It is difficult to look within
    and approach those murky, hidden,
oft-times frightening parts of myself: 
    my pettiness, my anger,
        my irrational fears, my prejudice,
            my lack of charity.

If I do not look within,
    and face these darker parts of myself,
I will never have the opportunity
    to change them.

If I do look within
    and face my own areas of darkness,
I have the opportunity to acknowledge them,
    understand them,
respond to myself with compassion...
    and choose to change.

We can't change
    what we haven't first faced and acknowledged,
processed and confessed.

But we can change.

I can change.

I am changing.

By the grace of God,
    I am changing.

Text and image © 2020 by Dirk deVries. All rights reserved.
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On Being Racist: Part Six

"Oh, you gay boys," she said,
    using that to explain certain aspects of our home,
as if all gay men would do the same.
    I bristled, though I wasn't sure why at the time.

I now understand why it bothered me:
    I was no longer an individual;
I was lumped in with a group--gay men--
    my uniqueness, my full self, dismissed.

This has happened throughout my life as a gay man:
    people have assumed much about me
because they had their beliefs about gay people--
    oftentimes strange beliefs, very wrong beliefs--
so what they assumed about me was wrong
    (and wrong about gays in general).

I have found myself doing the same
    with people of other races:

        "That's what Blacks do.
        "That's how Asians are.
        "That's what you can expect from Hispanics."

It is racist to believe
    that there are things behaviorally wrong (or right)
with a particular racial group.

In is anti-racist to believe
    there are individuals within all racial groups
who behave negatively (or positively).

In short:

    Individuals do not represent whole races.

Repeat this with me:

    Individuals do not represent whole races.

So let's stop
    (and I'm preaching to myself here)
extrapolating from the behavior of one or a few
    to entire races.
It's simply wrong.

I know that people look at the looters
    who are destroying businesses in some of our cites
and immediately decide
    that all protesters are looters,
which they are not,
    and that therefore
they can dismiss the entire Black Lives Matter movement
    because of the negative behavior of a very few.
Wrong.

I no more represent all Whites
    than a Black person represents all Blacks
(and so on for all other races).

The stereotypes (and accompanying prejudices)
    that we learned and still carry
don't hold.
    Let's let them go.

So when you catch yourself making judgments about race
    based on the behavior of individuals,
stop the inner dialog and correct yourself:
    "No, that doesn't hold. I'm letting go of that belief."

And if that judgment has already come out of your mouth,
    apologize,
correct yourself,
    and pledge to be less racist going forward.

Text and image © 2020 by Dirk deVries. All rights reserved.
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On Being Racist: Part Five

I don't want to be racist.

I don't want to be prejudiced.

I don't want to be judgmental.

Because of recent events--

    conversing with friends,
    watching the struggle for racial justice,
    reading books on racism,
    engaging in uncomfortable self-reflection--

I am suddenly and painfully aware
    of how dismissive I am
of all kinds of people

    because they are different
        (not speaking and behaving as I do)

    and because I don't understand
        why they do what they do.

This kind of judgmentalism
    devalues people.
They don't matter;
    they're not my concern.

Ir can happen
    when I drive by someone begging on the street corner,
    when I see an encampment of those experiencing homelessness,
    when a car passes blasting their music (mariachi, rap, or heavy metal),
    when I watch news reports of violence,
    when I see people ignoring social distancing
        or refusing to wear masks,
    when political leaders intentionally mislead and lie.

JUDGMENT!

I hate this within myself.

But things are shifting:

    awareness, for one--

        "I'm doing it again. Why?
        "I am saddened and frightened that I'm doing this.
        "Why is this one of my prejudices?
        "How has this become my own internalized racism?
        "What does this do for me? How does it protect my ego?
            Why is my ego so fragile that I need to do this?"

    inner dialog, for another--

        "This is not who I want to be.
        "This is not the person God wants me to be.
        "This is ugly, unfair, unkind.
        "This is childish, petty, hurtful.
        "Who I am inside (even when I think I'm hiding it),
                is who I become on the outside.
        "No!
        "Enough!
        "Stop!"

    and outer behavior--

        practicing responding with compassion,
        educating myself,
        doing the hard listening,
        talking about it with friends,
        blogging as I'm doing now to share my process
            and invite others to so the same,
        looking for opportunities
            to connect with individuals and communities
                I would otherwise dismiss or avoid,
        donating money to those working for justice and healing.

It's a powerful, ongoing, inner struggle,
    which I'm praying resolves
on the side of love and action,
    with eyes that see all people
as children of God.

Because all people
    are children of God.

Perhaps this can be my new mantra,
    spoken within, spoken without:

All people
    are children of God.

Text and image © 2020 by Dirk deVries. All rights reserved.
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Nowhere and Everywhere

Romeo: 2003-2020.

We said goodbye to this gentle, affectionate, handsome boy on Friday. He had multiple health issues, but the failure of the kidneys brought him down. At 17, he'd had long and happy life, and brought us much joy and love.

So he's suddenly nowhere, yet I see him everywhere.

Farewell, our angel, now it's time to sleep. You know you'll always be a part of us.

(And please say hello to your brother Willy.)

Text and image © 2020 by Dirk deVries. All rights reserved.
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On Being Racist: Part Four

"Complacency is a form of racism."

I read these words and cringe.

I have marched in protests in the past,
    linked arms with Jesus (in many forms),
supported his call for justice for all people.

I have walked in Denver's annual
    Martin Luther King, Jr. Marade.

I wanted to march again
    after the murder of George Floyd,
but did not over COVID-19 concerns
    and my slow recovery from back surgery;
both put me at higher risk.

But when I read again the statement,

    Complacency is a form of racism,

it continues to hit home,
    and like any blow to the psyche,
it hits with some pain.

"It's not happening here," we say.
    "We're not really affected.
Let's just change the channel."
    Or maybe,
"Gosh, that's too bad what those people are going through;
    someone should really do something about it."
Or possibly,
    "This is how it's always been;
what can we do?"

And we return to our routine.

    Complacency is a form of racism.

We avert our eyes.
    We shutter our hearts.
We damage our souls.

There's no neutrality here,
    no middle place of inaction.
I am either a racist
    or an anti-racist.
In Revelation 3:15-17,
    John warns us of this:
"You are neither hot nor cold,
    and I spit you out."

He's easy to paraphrase:

    I am white. I have a comfortable life.
        I need nothing else.

Ptui!

Complacency...silence...willful ignorance--
    all are forms of racism.

    Complacency is a form of racism.

Lord, save me from complacency.

Text and image © 2020 by Dirk deVries. All rights reserved.
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On Being Racist: Part Three

To be American
    does not mean to be white.
To be American
    does not mean to assimilate into white culture.

White (Euro-American) culture
    is no more American
        than Black (African-American) culture,
        than LatinX culture,
        than Native-American culture,
        than Asian-American culture,
        than Middle-Eastern-American culture...

To be American is to acknowledge
   that all of us are Americans...
utterly and completely Americans.
    Not to acknowledge this
is decidedly not American.

To be American
    is to stand with and for all Americans.

So right now,
    to be American
        is to examine ourselves,
            our motives,
            our beliefs,
            our behaviors,
        is to examine our culture
            our public policies,
            our educational institutions,
            our places of worship,
        and work for change.

Right now,
    to be American
        will be to change.

Are we ready
    to be this America?

Text and image © 2020 by Dirk deVries. All rights reserved.
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On Being Racist: Part Two

I am a racist,
    but I am not a bad person.

Racist does not equal bad.

We white people
    stumble over the term "racist"
because we think it only applies
    to pipe-wielding bashers of blacks
or goose-stepping white nationalists.

When someone therefore calls us racist,
    we feel offended and defensive
because we think they are calling into question
    our very character.

Yes, racism is bad,
    but good people can--
often without self-awareness--
    hold unchallenged racist beliefs,
support hidden racist policies
    and fail to confront their own--
and others--
    unspoken and unacknowledged racism.

It's therefore a false belief
    that racial discrimination must be intentional
to be labeled racist.

So again,
    I am racist--
but not evil.

You are racist--
    but not evil.

White defensiveness around racism
    (and the unwillingness to talk about it)
is often the result of this confusion--
    we think it's horrible, unbearable to be called racist.
It's not.
    They are simply saying
some of your words or actions
    (or lack of words or actions)
are racist words or actions.
    In other words
hear the terms racism and racist
    as descriptive,
not pejorative.

The appropriate response in such cases
    is to say, "Thank you,"
and then, "I'm sorry,"
    and finally,
"I'm going to do the work of self-reflection,
   and I will change,"
and then, once again,
    "Thank you."

If you grew up and have lived white in America,
    you hold, without question,
unexamined racist behaviors and beliefs.
    You may deny this,
but I haven't yet met a white person who doesn't.
    It's an inevitable result
of growing up white in this country.
    We are socialized into it.
Racist messages--
    both implicit and explicit--
were--and now are--everywhere in our environment.

It's a matter of degree.
    The constructive question for all of us is not:
Am I or am I not racist?
    but rather:
Where on the continuum do I fall?
    What are the racist beliefs I hold?
What racist behaviors am I demonstrating?
    which hopefully leads to:
What do I want to do about it?
   and then:
How, where, and when do I start?

I have a few suggestions
    (and I imagine that your who read this
have more to add; please do).
    To start, educate yourself;
open your eyes to all the ways
    racism has been a part of our lives.

There are many great resources to help us with this.
    I am currently learning from these:

(1)    White Fragility: Why It's Hard for White People to Talk about Racism    
                by Robin Diangelo

(2)    How to Be an Anti-Racist
                by Ibram X. Kendi

(3)    Waking Up White: And Finding Myself in the Story of Race
                by Debby Irving

All of these are both perspective-challenging
    and life-changing...
if you allow it.

I am allowing it,
    and I invite you to join me.

So I am a racist,
    but not a bad person,
and once I simply admit it,
    I am ready to grow and change.

We can take this journey together.

Text and image © 2020 by Dirk deVries. All rights reserved.
Visit PhotosByDirk.com for fine-art photography.
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On Being Racist, Part One

I am.

I am racist.

This isn't comfortable to admit,
    but being racist shouldn't be comfortable.
Being racist should be embarrassing;
    it should bring confession, repentance, sorrow...
and above all a commitment to change myself
    and to do what I can to change our country,
to stand with those who are, right now,
    fighting for racial equality and equity.

I was raised in a racist culture;
    I live today in a racist culture.

I am white,
    my family was white,
my childhood community white,
    my schools white.
I grew up insulated (in the 60s)
    from the the fight for racial justice
happening around the country.

Television was white,
    politicians were white,
white, white white...
    we were the white race,
and we thought ourselves superior.

Racism was taught, never overtly,
    but none the less profoundly,
in the unstated understanding,
    that the white race
was the normative race,
    that being white was the standard
to which other races aspired--
    to which other races should aspire.

"We will like you,
    as long as you continue to try
to be like us."

I heard jokes about black people--
    even in my family--
told in a lowered, conspiratorial voice,
    suggesting that "I really shouldn't say this, but..."--
that were racist.

    Call it racist;
don't try to soften it by saying,
    "But it's only a joke; lighten up."
No, it reflected and communicated
    that black people are somehow less.

And I absorbed it all.

That's what racism is,
    words, attitudes and policies that reflect
that another race is inferior,
    deserving less respect,
fewer resources,
    to be dismissed.

So I'm learning about my racism
    and I'm working to reduce it.
This I will do, not only by listening and reading,
    but also by processing here,
and most importantly, finding ways to participate in the process
    of dismantling it.

I welcome comment and reflection,
    especially on how you are coming to grips with your racism.

Don't tell me you are not racist, not yet,
    not until you've done your own painful introspection.

Our current crisis--
    and our God--
calls us to this.

Text and image © 2020 by Dirk deVries. All rights reserved.
Visit PhotosByDirk.com for fine-art photography.
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